First, make sure you’re seated firmly with both hands on the ropes.
I’m sorry, I had to 😉
Anyway, much of this is paraphrased from other guides online as well as tips from our personal experiences. We have a separate post on swinger etiquette here: (pending post)
If you think you might be ready to explore this lifestyle (even if you’re just curious like we were in the beginning, with no intention of partaking) these are some standard guidelines for beginners. I say standard because every one of you curious kinky lovelies is different in your own beautiful way, situations may vary.
1. Swinging will not save your relationship.
This is important. If you or your significant other are bored in your relationship or if you’ve been fighting constantly and you’re looking for a solution, this is not a good option. This is a recipe for disaster.
If swinging would be the only option besides cheating: Also no. This would probably end the same way.
If you doubt the fidelity of your partner and you don’t have complete trust and confidence in them as your person: swinging is not for you. We are naturally competitive as humans so with that comes occasional jealousy. If your relationship has a strong foundation you can overcome this.
If you’re in a relationship is based on love, trust and you have absolute confidence in them: I give you my blessing. Swinging can be so much fun & since I can’t just recommend it to all of my friends and business associates I’ll just be raving about it here, on this site, for you wonderful pervy people.
2. Agree on a Set of Rules
Sit down and talk about it. In person. Not over the phone, not via text or facebook messenger. I mean real, face-to-face, sit-down-serious adult conversation. Ask each other what you’re not comfortable with and set some boundaries (for example, some people do: no mouth kisses, no anal, no more than 3 men at once… you get the idea). Go through scenarios, watch some sexy stuff online together, get a feel for the idea together! Once you’re both comfortable with what you’ve agreed on you may proceed to rule 3.
3. Find a Club
First of all, depending on what country you are in there will be a websites dedicated to certain clubs/ local swinger communities. I’ll have an article on that later, but wherever you’re reading from: google is your friend.
You don’t have to plan on joining a full on orgy your first time, but even just seeing this kind of thing in person can solidify your newfound interest in this kink 😉 OR it will be the kind of experience that makes you realize it’s not for you. Either way, it won’t be time wasted. Sometimes clubs are 100% worth it just for the free food & alcohol.
4. TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING
You’ve just visited your first club/party! Congrats! Was it amazing? Did you realize you found an amazing part of the world full of beautiful open minded sexual beings & are you totally psyched about it? Was it freaky in a good way? Was it kinda weird because there was too many single guys or did someone kinda look like your Aunt Linda? Talk. About. Everything. Not to your friend (that’s risky), not online, talk to your partner.
If there was something you saw that kinda turned you on when that wouldn’t have happened before? Let your partner know. Maybe they feel the same way and it’s something to try out next time. For me, nothing compares to screaming out in ecstasy with my husband in my mouth and some stranger doing real nice things to my downstairs lady palace. But the key every relationship, especially with swinging in the picture, is communication. This helps avoid any future serious arguments or hurt feelings etc.
5. Accept That Hot Ass People Exist
Sometimes you will see a girl with legs for miles and a perfect butt and it will literally hurt you because you wish you looked like that. Or for guys: bigger exists. Sometimes much bigger. Personally I see a lot of small at clubs or nude spas but most of the time if you know how to lick it, it doesn’t matter all that much. For me at least, its all about foreplay. But that’s a story for another post. Also Important: being at a club means its hard to relax around some people at the beginning and reach that O, but that’s okay.
Also accept the fact that the swinger lifestyle is one of the most accepting communities when it comes to the beautiful range of body types we have. It really doesn’t matter what you look like all that much (I mean take a shower, it definitely matters that you’re clean for these things), but all that matters is that you’re open-minded, willing to be a little social & down to have a good time. There’s a million different shapes & sizes, and we all have orgasms. Every single one of us. That’s one of our goals here isn’t it? Come hard & have a really good time!
6. Flakes & Awkwardness
Initiating any kind of sexual encounter with a stranger, even if you’re at a club designed for this, can be TERRIFYING. This is totally normal, but just know if you ask a single guy at a club to join you and your hubby for a threesome he will probably say yes.
If you plan things through any online site with another couple or someone you’re planning a threesome with, cancellations are very common. Frustrating but common. I know we’ve cancelled last minute before because I was having shark week a little earlier than expected that month and we said my husband had to work last minute. Periods aren’t sexy, so we made up an excuse. Then we met the next weekend and had an amazing time! So just know some people aren’t flexible & sometimes desires change. Sometimes people get into serious fights with their partner too, and that’s not exactly conducive to a long night of pleasuring each other. They need to figure that out before they can come have a good time at the next event. Every situation is different. Be open and accepting of change in general, but especially in these situations.
I don’t care if you’re a virgin, I don’t care if you just got tested for STD’s, I don’t care if you’re the fucking Queen of England. Bring condoms. If for some reason there is none, you will be sorry. No one should be comfortable having sex with strangers bareback… but if there’s no condoms left you need to be prepared.
For example, a club in Spain was a giant orgy. Not a condom in sight. We didn’t do much that night so it didn’t affect us, but it was definitely surprising. Don’t be gross, guys. Come prepared. Some STD’s are impossible to spot & some are incurable. It’s somewhat rare but it’s out there. If you can, get a full STD screening from your doctor before you indulge just as a precaution. It’s a buzzkill, but be aware of and cold sores or sores on anyone’s downstairs. Some people don’t even know they have herpes so just keep your wits about you.
8. Be Discreet
Don’t be that fucking guy that brings a phone into a club or party and takes pictures. There’s a vice article out there where a reporter went to a swinger club in Barcelona and secretly took photos. Not only is this an extreme violation of privacy but its illegal in many countries to take photos of people without their permission. Don’t bring in your phone. AND if by some one in a million chance you recognize someone… don’t be a little shit and talk about it to people. First of all, personally and professionally, it can be mutually assured destruction. Most people will not be accepting of this lifestyle because of a million different personal reasons. This can be a sexy little secret between you and your lover!
On the other hand, if you want to be public about it… please do! Just don’t share about someone else on their behalf. It’s not your story to tell.
9. Have Fun 😉
Be open, be safe & be curious. Know you can say no to anything, if you don’t like something don’t keep quiet & don’t be afraid to try something new together.
If you have any questions for me or for my husband we can answer in the comments or in another post if the question is juice enough. We will be as explicitly honest as possible without disclosing any specific information that could identify us. Ask away!